In a recent interview with Essence Magazine actress Viola Davis touched on a common mindset in the black community:
“There’s not one woman in America who does not care about her hair. But we give it way too much value. We deprive ourselves of things, we use it to destroy each other, we’ll look at a child and judge a mother and her sense of motherhood by the way the child’s hair looks.”
Her comments made me think of the recent hoopla over Blue Ivy’s hair. Pictures emerged of the 20-month-old vacationing with her famous parents off the coast of Spain, and the internet commentary was, well, harsh.
Many felt that Beyonce and Jay-Z don’t have the right to brand themselves as a hip and enviable power couple while their daughter runs around with a headful of kinks.
The commentary made me sad for a couple reasons. First off because kids at this age are hard to groom… period. Wiping crusted snot off Noah’s face can take up to 5 minutes and the boy fights it like he’s staving off an attack. I consider myself lucky when Noah is clean and moisturized. Never mind him having a really cool outfit or hair style.
Second, there really isn’t a whole lot you can do with the hair of a child Blue’s age. A lot of kids don’t even get a full head of hair till they’re 3 years old, not to mention the constant texture changes. The best I can do with Noah’s hair is keep it moisturized and lint-free. It currently only grows at the crown, and sometimes I don’t even know what his texture will look like when he wakes up the next morning.
So if babies are more concerned with exploring the world around them than looking a certain way, why do we insist on using their appearance to determine the quality of the parenting they are receiving? Why isn’t the fact that a kid is clean, healthy, happy and clothed enough? Why do they also have to look ‘acceptable’ by some invisible standard?
Ladies, what do you think? Is it important to you that your kids are always well-dressed with hair done? Why or why not?
My son is two, and his daddy shaves his head every couple of weeks. I usually brush his hair every time we go out, but if I happen to forget, I don’t have a panic attack. He’s a toddler after all, and just like Blue Ivy, it is hard to keep a young child’s hair groomed. I don’t understand why people are so harsh about her hair anyways. She’s a toddler, her hair doesn’t need to be done every second of the day.
Thank you for writing this. I really cringed at the way grown people have attacked this baby. I mean… she’s a BABY!
Only once did I hear nasty comments about my daughter’s hair… And it was because, like Noah, she had a fluff of hair at her crown and little else in the back. The critics were complete strangers waiting in line behind us at old navy. And yes, they were Black women. Smh.
Ok so…my daughter’s hair was just like this at this age. I REFUSED to tug, pull and brush her hair into submission just so that she could have a smooth teeny weeny pony tail or two. I had friends with babies the same age say, “Are you going to do something with her hair?” I did actually. It was washed, detangled, moisturized and left to be free. Fast forward to 6 years later and my daughter has a beautiful head of long healthy hair. Meanwhile, my friends who brushed, combed and gelled the life out of their babies hair have thin edges with little growth. And they ask “What do you do to her hair?” “It must be in her genes to have hair like that.” Ugh…do we see the connection?
Girl you are PREACHING!
“So if babies are more concerned with exploring the world around them than looking a certain way, why do we insist on using their appearance to determine the quality of the parenting they are receiving?” Well said!!! It’s just people being judgemental, and there’s a lot to be said about that.
My daughter is 5 and loves to wear her hair out. I let her on occasions to do a twistouts or braidouts. When we do go out I get more side eyes and rude remarks from unfortunately more black women than anything. For my husband and I the worst was when my mother in law twice got our daughter’s hair straightened at a salon. Needless to say she stopped going to visit very often after that. Mind you she got a Dominican blowout on a then three year old.
I am so glad that black women are changing the way they treat Children and hair because, its so disgusting how we put what our hair looks like before Education and wealth fact! always seeing white kids, aloud to explore the world while we were tucked up doing our hair our having our hair done, and not an ounce of power in this world to change our prosperity or our system.
Blue ivy is a mega wealthy child from a mega wealthy BLACK family, who is hopefully leading a HAPPY life and thats all that matters, and thats all that we should want for any child. EDUCATION AND EXPLORATION AND A HAPPY LIFE BEFORE HAIR!!!
You don’t know how much pressure it is, to have your daughters hair looking good, even when she has a few strands. I have felt judged from both family members/friends and spouse for my daughters hair. At that age you will be doing their hair several times a day because it just doesn’t stay, unless you are putting gels and damaging products on the hair. Leave beautiful, adorable Blue Ivy alone!
It’s like they expect her child to have hair looking like the extensions she wears. They both are black people so why would their child’s hair look like a white persons hair? The state of her child’s hair is nothing new. I’m sure many blacks have seen babies with hair like that within their own family. I just find it sad how when a black individual child or adult wears their hair in its natural state many times in the black community the reaction is ” what did you do to your hair?” really? I didn’t know letting it be was doing something to it. As if being natural all around is not a normal thing, it’s sad.
All hair should be groomed. Blue can’t do it herself! Im-a “Naturalista” and the foundation of hair is MOISTURIZE, DISENTANGLE, SHAMPOO, CONDITION. #Comb that babys hair into a groomed, neat afro!
African American culture demands our children be well groomed. We were taught early on that we must practice good hygiene, shoes must be shined and our hair well groomed. The fact that white people believed Black people didn’t bathe (false) also contributed to the strict adherence our grooming practices. African American’s have long had a love hate relationship with their hair. This preoccupation should never be directed at a child. It is far more important to raise a healthy; happy and well adjusted child. Blue Ivy will never have to worry about her hair trust me
Her hair is cute. What’s wrong with it? Oh it’s too black and nappy. Because we hate ourselves. So we take it out on a child. Her hair texture is awesome. Now her mother’s weave is another story…
LOL….Totally agree. My concerns lie chiefly with her mother’s denial of her natural curls and texture..not to mention the ever increasing pursuit of blonder and blonder looks. Is black that repellant to her and others?? Thank God not all of us think or feel that way about ourselves!
AMEN!!!!