By Alicia of alburnet.wordpress.com
It took me twenty three years to come to terms with the kinks in my own hair. Two years after that, I loc’d it up. Loose natural hair (loose hair of any type) stymied me. I’d been chided my entire salon-going life for being too lazy about hair care. Locs were the perfect solution. They were patient, they were kind, and most of all, they grew best when I left them alone.
All was well in the world of hair.
But then she came into my life. Bald, pink, wrinkled, and completely adorable.
“I thought she’d be browner,” my young cousin said.
“I thought she’d have curls like yours,” my MIL lamented.
“I thought she’d look at least a tiny bit like me,” I said.
Given time – all of our expectations were met. By her first birthday, three curls had appeared – one one top and one on either side. By her second birthday, she had a fluffy halo of shiny brown curls.
“You need to do something to it,” my older cousin said.
“You need to get it trimmed, so it’ll grow,” my mother said.
“At least she has ‘good’ quality hair,” my step-mother said. After everyone yelled at her and took the proper amount of umbrage, she amended her statement. “I mean, at least it’ll be easier to manage.”
She had criticized my mother for relaxing and straightening my own hair when I was very young, but after spending twelve years on my sister’s unruly tresses, she was willing to give straightening a few thoughts. (Just heat and and a little product, mind you. Still no “chemicals”.)
But her hair isn’t easy to manage – no more than my own kinky cloud was at her age. It’s just different. My hair, now loc’d, was thick and woolly. Her father’s hair, stick straight. But Petals? Her hair is fine, slick, shiny, and oh-so-curly. But by the afternoon it’s dry, tangled, and, the top at least, is completely frizzed. She has corkscrews in the back, and a cloud on the top. Oh, and it traps things – glitter, lint, bugs. Mostly glitter.
And we have so many questions.
- How often should we wash it?
- What do we wash it with?
- How do I moisturize it? (Do I need to moisturize it?)
- How do I style it?
- How do I trim it?
- What kind of hair utensils should we use?
So, the experimenting began. Poor child. Poor, poor child. So far, this is what we’ve found. When it’s dirty, we wash it. Simple enough. My hair moisturizing products (I say “products” like they’re cool. It’s only olive oil… and maybe some watered down Twist & Lock cream. I used to be a product junkie. I’m reformed.) DO NOT work on her hair. Her curls get weighted down and greasy. Quite frankly, the result was a mess. Jane Carter Solution “leave-in conditioner” for a light “daily” moisturizing DOES seem to work, however. We spray it with water and brush it when it’s wet, then use some of the leave-in to de-tangle and comb at night. Flat twists or a tiny braid work to keep it from tangling up over night. And I can twirl it around my finger to separate the curls during the day. Pig-tails or a “head bang” (fabric head band) work best to keep her hair out of her face (and out of the school’s glitter supply) when she’s out.
And it’s growing. A ton. Down to her shoulder-blades when wet, and around her chin when dry…so that must be a good sign, right? I’m sure that I’ll keep researching and reaching out to other curly-heads. Other than that… well…it’s a work in progress.
Pingback: True Life: My Daughter’s Hair Texture is Way Different Than Mine | Black Girl with Long Hair
I am right there with you, but I have a son. Plus, Dad (bone straight hair) does the morning routine so I have to find solutions that are minimal in nature. LOL
My solution so far has been to keep the hair trimmed and use a regular conditioner as a leave-in for moisture (Curly Girl Method).
Enjoyed your post! Best of luck!
Ha! Yes! Since Dad is the one who usually stays at home with her or takes her into daycare, I needed something that was easy for him to do. He’s working on learning how to braid, but as he grew up with a mullet (and then a bowl-cut a la Zack Morris) he hasn’t had a ton of experience!
She is adorable! I am glad you found a workable solution! Enjoy #HHJ
My daughter’s hair is and has been pretty straight from birth. She just turned 2. I love it! No product, no brushing or combing unless she really wants me to… I dont think I could deal with another kinky curly head (other than my own), now having a newborn, although if I had to, I’m sure I could make do.
Here’s me with twists, pulled back and her morning bed head.
Hi Aja, hi LG!
Hi, Li!
Fancy meeting you here
Beautiful
Sorry, that picture was so big!,! If I knew how to take it down I would…
Apologies
No need to apologize. Our photo resizer is a MESS! We’re having our designer take a look at it. I went in and re-sized the photo manually
Thanks!
I feel so much better now
I loved this post. Being a mom is certainly full of surprises. While my daughter has curls, they aren’t like mine. Her hair is super soft and fine. Mine is coarse and thick. A little water and curly cream, and she’s good to go. My hair is a dang process.
Beautiful family and lovely pics.
Hey! Any type of curly cream (or creme, if I’m being fancy) in particular? It sounds like she has similar hair and I would love product suggestions!
You should try SheaMoisture or California Baby or Kinky Curly’s conditioner.
Beautiful family. You should post your family pic on: http://wearethe15percent.com/tagged/family/page/2
It’s called ‘we are the 15%’ for bi-racial or mixed families in response to the cheerios commercial.
I saw that Tumblr! Thanks!
Awwwww
It’s really interesting how genes choose what to do
Your baby girl is adorable
And so is yours, jesusinthecity777
:’)
Thank you so much!
I agree, the OP’s family is beautiful as well
I can so totally relate! My daughter is now 15 and what works for sure does not work for me…..her hair loves the creamy conditioners and multiple weekly washes whereas my hair prefers 7-10 day was cycle and oils in a creamy base. Our family is very active ( biking, rowing, yoga, running, walking) so our hair routine is simple and easy…..
Your family is adorable, my dear, and I have been exactly where you are now, hahahaa! I live in Trinidad and Tobago. My daughter is now 26. Her biological father is East Indian and had thick hair. I’m black and her resulting hair texture is like the girl who plays Claire on My Wife and Kids. When she was little we used coconut oil, and similar natural products to keep it shiny and supple. Today, she uses the Kinky Curly line of products when she wants her curls defined or will choose to flat iron it to get it arrow straight. For now, just treat your daughter’s hair with tender care and don’t use anything with harsh chemicals. You’re going to be just fine, trust me. Thanks for sharing your story, and lots of Love to everyone!
Your daughter’s hair is EXACTLY like mine. I’ve spent the last 10 years trying to figure out what works for my hair texture. Much like your daughter, I have different textures throughout my head and this process has not been an easy one. The texture of my hair has changed about 4 times over my life span. When I was young, the texture was like your daughters. When I turned around 4 or 5, my hair changed into a thick and more frizzy mass (tighter coils and much dryer). As it got longer, my mom became a super fan of pony tails and presses. At 10, she permed it so I would be able to manage it on my own. Long story short, at 23, no more perm, and my thick, long, shiny corkscrew curls were perfect. My friends wedding changed all of that. I had to get my hair done and I ended up with severe heat damage and now that the damage is gone, my texture is back to how it was when I was a little girl. The ONLY products that work on my type of hair are Giovanni’s Direct Weightless leave- in conditioner for moisture and Organix Weightless coconut mousse for hold and curl definition. The only oil I use on my hair is camellia oil (i only have to use a little and i put it on at night). I have to co-wash my hair every day, if not every other day. Despite what some may think, being bi-racial (mom is black and dad is white) didn’t make my hair journey any easier. Its all a process and I, too, am continuing to learn the ins and outs of having fine, curly corkscrew hair that doesn’t always act right.
Thank you thank you for the suggestions (and compliments!). Jesusinthecity, the picture of you and your daughter is TOO cute! It looks like I may have to go back diving into the product market to figure out what will work best. Several people have suggested Mixed Chicks and Kinky Curly. I’d never heard of Giovanni’s Direct, Blair, so I’ll have to look into that.
I think that on the BGLH snippet there were a few people who seemed to think I was surprised or shocked by the fact that my biracial baby’s hair was different than my own. If that’s the takeaway from this article, I wrote it all wrong! I have three siblings who are biracial, and they all have completely different hair than mine or my daughters – so no shocker there. What I was really looking for, and what I’ve been so pleased to get from most commentators, is a little “Hey, I’ve been there, too,” and maybe some “So, this is what I tried, maybe it’ll work for you!” So, thank you to everyone who’s been able to throw some of that in there – its greatly appreciated.
I can totally relate! Thanks for this article.
I am recommending some of the best products ever for your daughter’s hair type. They are call “Beyond Straight” and “The End” by Maxius. You use a dab of each and they will not weigh her hair down, but will tame the curl and stop the frizz. They have a flat iron called the Sonicglide that is also awesome and will not touch or burn the scalp, but is not necessary unless you want her hair beyond straight. Anywho … go to the site and watch the videos. I highly recommend you try the product. You will not be disappointed I guarantee!! http://www.maxiusbeauty.com
Alicia, you’re both sweet! Just keep reading/researching and being patient; you’ll get the hang of it. I have cottony type 4 hair like yours, but mine is free hair. From what I’ve learned in the past 3 years of being natural, curly type 3 (or maybe type 2) hair like your daughter’s seem to do better with lighter products, while our hair seems to thrive on heavier oils and creams.
I absolutely loved your story!!!!! I think checking out HeyFranHey’s blog & YouTube channel could be a big help since has super fine curly hair too! One of the key things I’ve seen in her videos is that after adding her leave-one (kinky curly knot today I think) she always seals with pure aloe vera juice to keep her hair moisturized. Her videos are really awesome! Hope this helps!!! Hugs!!!
Thanks! YouTube was my go-to place for locs tips when I first got my little comb curls. I don’t know why I didn’t think to go there for my own little girl! I’ve heard of this “HeyFranHey”. I will head there posthaste.
So can relate to this article. My Daughter came out bald and hair mostly straight, with a slight bend, but also silky and fine. Nothing like mine. It was fine, until it started growing and I had to ‘do’ it. It’s now a mess of curls, but still silky, with a few patches of texture. Like you, my favorite product to use on her hair is Jane Carters, works every time. But I wash her hair every night, with just a conditioner, to prevent tangling. But what brush to use? Am I using the right comb? All unanswered. For now, we’ll keep doing what we are doing until it doesn’t work, but this articles was something I think about from time to time, especially every time I have a child. My son’s hair is different, kinkier but still fine and delicate. I hav no clue what to use on his hair. And I have another little girl on the way and all I can think about is she’s going to have different hair too and I’m going to have so many different products and accessories just to do their heads. Glad to know I’m not alone!
First of all, Keyuiana, you and your girl are adorabo…completely!
Second of all, so are you and your girl, Tiffany! And my kid’s hair looks (and acts) exactly like your daughter’s. I tried a bit of Kinky Curly Spiral Spritz this morning (I squirted it in my hand and the scrunched it through her hair) and she doesn’t appear to have any tangles or school-dust in them…we shall see.
Third of all – the comb and brush questions continue. Petals seems to like it better when I use a very “soft” brush – though I find that her cheap Dora brush works best. It’s got nylon bristles and balls on the end… (As a kid, I always called it a “White-People Brush” because it was exactly the type that was forbidden to come near my head.) I always used, and still occasionally use, a boar-bristle brush. At the moment, we’re also using a comb with “wavy” teeth – I have no idea how else to describe it – but it gets the tangles out without too much crying.
Also – someone once suggested me picking up samples wherever I can. I’ll tell you – experimenting with 8oz bottles at $11 a pop is getting VERY expensive!
oh wow, your little girl’s hair sounds EXACTLY like my own. i’m mixed: black mother and white father and my hair is fine and has a bunch of different textures (looser corkscrew curls in the back that basically fall apart when i touch them, slightly smaller curls in the front/edges and poofy, tight curls at the crown of my head), and i can’t go more than 2 days without getting wet or washing it else it’ll shrivel up and blow away like a tumble weed. it’s great that you’re thinking about all this. growing up i always wanted to look more like my mom (she’s got super curly hair and a darker complex) and the other women in my family but my mom never put gave me the idea that one kind of look was good and another bad.
i guess that’s just a super long way to say kudos to you for being so understanding, your daughter will appreciate it when she gets older.
Beautiful, but what I find is that many confuse mixed hair for having the same issues that black hair has and mostly it doesn’t, overloading hair down with grease based products is a no no, just a little hair creme is what needed and if straight and silky, most don’t need any.
Dear Alicia
I have been looking for a baby just like yours lol. My 2 year old daughter’s hair is growing and becoming curly and a little out of control and I have no idea what to do. I usually wash it once a week with this kids shampoo but lately it has been shedding a little more than usual. I actually thought it would be too early to use conditioner or treatment for such a young kids hair. I mean I do mosturize it with olive oil and thats it. I have gotten so many tips from you and the comments and am truly grateful. Bless you guys
Your beautiful your baby is beautiful and your man so a hulk! be happy be strong the world is not is kind. I have a biracial daughter she`s a adult now. she favors her father who is American-Asian .Her hair is not like mine kinky. In America this is now the norm.We are mixed up, Isn`t it GRAND!