Me back in 2007… No boyfriend, no baby, no problem
A few days ago I posted this Facebook status:
“Thinking back to when I left my evangelical Christian bubble to jump into post-grad life in Chicago. Those years felt so stressful and chaotic. Chasing stories in my beaten up Jetta… then my beaten up Honda, trying to build my journalism portfolio. Living in basements, with roommates, anywhere that I could afford rent. Going on random dates with even more random dudes. Taking my broke ass to Old Navy to buy new outfits for work. It didn’t feel like it at the time, but now I realize that those were some of the. BEST. YEARS. of my life. Life is more predictable now, but I’m hoping there are few more adventures in the cards for me…”
It was just a musing in an intense moment of emo-ness. But many of my friends ‘liked’ it.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the comfort of married life and mommyhood. And I am blessed to have a partner who is ‘all in’ emotionally. But even the ‘good life’ takes getting used to.
I have moments when I miss the wild fluctuations, the craziness of my single life. I mean, just a little bit.
One of my main duties as a mother is to provide a stable environment for my son. I don’t take this to mean that I should insulate him from the outside world. Because, obviously there are many things beyond my control — people have raised kids through wars, economic crashes and natural disasters. But assuming nothing drastic happens, my job is to create an environment that is comforting and constant and to ensure that whatever work I take on allows me to provide financially for my son’s basic needs.
All of this requires a stability and order that, just 4 years ago, I really didn’t have. It also requires me to set aside the whims that used to dictate the very direction of my life.
Right after college I worked as a construction worker and a temp. When I finally got a ‘legit’ corporate job, I quit on a whim to pursue journalism. I spent the next year temping (again) while doing any freelance journalism work I could. Finally I built up a strong enough portfolio to land a job at an alternative newspaper, that was then headquartered in downtown Chicago.
I chased stories around Chicago — covering politics, crime, youth and education — until I was laid off at the height of the recession. I was lucky enough to be hired two months later by a newspaper in a rural county, 70 miles south of Chicago. After a year there I quit — on another whim (albeit a more substantial one since I was slowly sliding into debt) — and decided to move in with my parents and try blogging full time.
This is the kind of life lived by someone who has no one depending on her. And yes, it was stressful and unpredictable, but it was also thrilling, exciting and fun.
But those years are behind me. They were a season of my life that is now over.
And this doesn’t mean that Noah and I won’t explore. We have a family trip to France scheduled for January, and I couldn’t be more excited. I also hope to introduce him to Jamaica — the island where I was raised — and Haiti, the land of my father, when the time is right. I also hang on to hope that I can complete a graduate degree in the next several years.
But in the mean time, my job is to keep Noah on schedule — up at 7, nap time at 10, second nap at 3, gymnastics or swim, play time and play dates, bed time. And eventually I’ll have to find him a good school with a good curriculum and a nice neighborhood with a decent house.
My pastor once told me that it takes 7 years for the average couple to get accustomed to marriage — some take more time, some less, but 7 years is the average. I imagine that adjusting to parenthood also takes a significant amount of time. And I am on that journey, shutting old photo albums and shelving old memories. Saying goodbye to the years of unfettered spontaneity and uncalculated risks.
Can any of you moms out there relate to this?
I love sharing about my life experiences, but I would really love to hear yours! I am always looking for mommies to feature. Consider introducing us to your children in our Baby Love feature, sharing your little one’s hair routine or submitting an essay or reflection. Email [email protected] for more details.
